So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
