i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
