It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
