K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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