dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
