Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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