drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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