I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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