do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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