What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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