Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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