Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
