And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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