I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
