I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
