i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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