Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just found a bag of teeth...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
