you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
