my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
