I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize