i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
