I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
