I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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