i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
