I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
