she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
