Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Even my vagina gasped.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
