I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize