maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
