the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
