so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
