is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
pop tarts are not kleenex
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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