How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I need to stop coming to work sober
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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