I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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