The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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