Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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