As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
