she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
