we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
