just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
