I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
