Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
