I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
