I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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