Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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