I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
