First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
