The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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