I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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