I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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