Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
