I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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