I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
