wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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