u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i was born a porn star she said
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
