He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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