so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
