im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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