I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
