Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
