So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
this just has baby written all over it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
