well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
