just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
