areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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