I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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