He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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