I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize