he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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